Lady of Fire

this is really good. i can tell that Sophie is scared of her past and what is to come. the only thi i have to correct is: Carmen has all ...

these is really good. I only have one thing to correct: And I sling a friendly over his shoulder a friendly what? i was alittle confused by that. other than ...

This was really good, just a few things though: I felt him open his mouth and quickly kneeled down to hug his little sister. How can you feel someoe's mouth ...

This is really good. i just have a few things. 1) In the kitchen, Johnson scooped up piles of mush onto trays with a ladle There sould be a period ...

this was good. it was a bit short but it was interesting. however, i would suggest that you split it into more paragraghs, it will make it much easier on ...

ok, i fixed the candy thing. i hope this is better.

Ok, chapter 1 has been rewritten and Chapter 2 is up. Just for an update.

ok, Chapter 2 is now up. Just for the update.

i think you should keep the story in thrid person. but that's not my call. anyways, this was very good. i just wished you put in more about Tanner. like ...

This was really good but i'm a little confused about this one part: He turned to the dogs who were coming closer and closer. They bound toward him with eagerness ...

Thanks for all of the ideas you gave me. As you already know, i have rewritten chapter one and i would like to ask you for some help. She had ...

As I reread the chapter, I did realize that my sentences were a little lengthy. So I will need to work on that. Also, I felt I needed to included ...

This is Chapter 1 again, but i rewrote it. ____________________________________ {Chapter 1} The three moons of Avolon set in the southeastern sky while the sun rose behind them. The Moon ...

Thank you all for reviewing this chapter. Before I put up chapter 2, i'm going to edit this chapter. If you all could read it and tell me what I ...

{Chapter 1} The three moons of Avolon set in the southeastern sky while the sun rose behind them. The moon blossom closed it’s petals as the sol flora opened it’s ...